I wish life had little blips of pornography
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
