He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
