Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
