The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He has the fingertips of a God
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
