If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
accomplished twins. life is a go
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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