I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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