This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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