I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i was born a porn star she said
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
