Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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