The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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