my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
