New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
