So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
