Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
