direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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