is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Shame - the story of my life.
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