She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
