You smell like stripper and shame
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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