This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
