When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
