I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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