Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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