Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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