im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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