i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
