i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
