Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
