It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
