During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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