I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize