I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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