Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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