I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
