I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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