She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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