i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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