My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
