the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
