you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
