Well douche your snatch and let's go!
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
