I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
