K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
