Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
