k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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