I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
