It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
