Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
