I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize