Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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