Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize