Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
