my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
