I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
