I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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