She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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