I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
