he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
