We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
