11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
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