I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
