idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize