i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
