ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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