Moan for me like Helen Keller
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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