how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
