I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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