so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize