you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
