you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Randomize
