watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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