Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
