I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
honey bunches of taint.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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