Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
