Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Will exercising make me less horny?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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