I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
