I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
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