Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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