yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
